


Attitude (Levi X Reader)

by Lxeisa



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Come Shot, Come Swallowing, Daddy Issues, Daddy Kink, Drunken Kissing, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family Issues, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Light BDSM, Light Bondage, Naked Cuddling, New Special Operations Squad | New Squad Levi, Nipple Play, Oral Fixation, Oral Sex, Original Special Operations Squad | Squad Levi, POV First Person, POV Levi Ackerman, Praise Kink, Protective Levi Ackerman, Public Sex, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, Smut, Smutty, Spanking, Spit Kink, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Trust Issues, Wax Play, tongue
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:21:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29301825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lxeisa/pseuds/Lxeisa
Summary: Smut chapter 9////As you join the scouts you have had a difficult relationship with Levi, your big mouth never failed to get you in trouble and Levis snarky remarks were never much help. His arrogant behavior annoyed you for as long as you could remember, but something about him had always drawn you to him. Curiosity or Desire?  Once you breakdown and let Levi know about your past there's a sudden force pulling you closer to each other as the hours and tension grow longer between you. While you want to pursue it, Levi is hesitate which only makes you curious. As Levi starts to show a side of himself no one has seen, making you shocked, he ends up was awakening a deep lustful desire within you you were never expecting to have.*******"Call me foolish but my heart couldn't help but flutter as his eyes met mine. I know I had said that I would die the day I was excited to see him, but I don't want to die just yet."*******
Relationships: Armin Arlert & Annie Leonhart, Eren Yeager/Reader, Jean Kirstein/Reader, Jean Kirstein/You, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/You, Levi Ackerman & Other(s), Levi Ackerman & Reader, Mikasa Ackerman & Eren Yeager, Reiner Braun/Reader, Sasha Blouse & Connie Springer
Comments: 14
Kudos: 78





	1. Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this my first fanfic , kinda shitty compared to others but it’ll get better over time

TW: Violence, Language

"Y/N be careful!" I heard from behind me as I was in my fighting stance with Annie standing right infront of me.My eyes locked on hers. My eyebrows furrowed as I stared into those blue eyes of hers that always seemed to irritate me.

I scoffed looking back at the crowd of my friends standing behind me with concerned looks in their faces, "Get out of my way, unless you want to end up like Annie after I'm done with her." I spit back at them; turning around, making eye contact with Jean, who had a look of concern washed over his face.

They stayed silent, knowing better than to get in my way when I got this mad, I would lash out at anyone who tried to grab me, to touch me. Why did my past have to get in the way of how I felt about being touched. I just want control over my body; that’s the only reason I started to sleep with Jean. The reason I let Sasha hug me. I wanted MY body back. I despised the thought of being touched yet i seeked being held. I seeked validation. Why was i so fucked up about what happened, it’s been 3 years. I want to let go. i want to seek the arms of those who love me. Yet i feared being left, so I pushed those who I care about at arms length. Far enough to reach me, close enough for me to touch them, but not enough to say i’ve lost them. Better to leave than to be left right ? To be lonely from the start than to be left alone..

I'd gotten into countless of fights ever since I joined the Scouts, never the one to take shit from anybody. I knew where I stood, I knew better than anyone what I'm capable of and I was certain I could take Annie.

"Come on Annie, where did all the shit you were spitting earlier go?" I laughed at her. A gust of wind blew past the crowd sending chills down my spine which only increased the amount of adrenaline shooting through my blood. "Something about me being weak, correct? Want to test it out ?" Looking at her as I clenched my hands, digging my nails into my palms.

"I don't need to waste my time on somebody like you," she glared, "always walking around acting like you're such a hero, such a Goddess. Youre no better than anybody here, you make yourself weak by acting like this. Arrogant. Maybe your parents should've taught you how to be humble; should've taught you something other than being a whore."

'Alright that's enough you bitch' I thought as I charged towards her. I had seen Annie fight long enough to know that her first move would be a kick to my leg to try to get me down on my knees. Right as she launched her kick with her right leg, I held out my arm in place of where my leg should've been only for me to grab her leg and flip her down on the floor face down; she let down a grunt blowing the dirt under her mouth forming a small cloud.

Before I could realize her left hand came from next to me and up to my ribs. "Fuck," I yelled grabbing my side to be able to catch a solid breath, which gave her a chance to get back up to her feet again.

"For acting like you're so smart, you should really pay more attention to how you're pinning down your opponent. You'd think for someone whos such a slut you'd know how to hold someone down," she scoffed and looked over to the group of people behind up, "isn't that right boys."

'Shes dead.’ Immediate something in you switched, anger rushed through your body, your face became hot and the look in your face was covered with determination. 'she was not about to talk to me like that' not now or never.

As you rushed towards Annie, every worry, thought, was wiped out, you no longer cared about the consequences. She needed to be put in her place. You started beating every inch you could get your hands on while you straddled her body between your legs. Your knuckles started to bleed; making Annies once white shirt red. You were seething, overwhelmed by rage.

"Did you want to say something else, you BITCH?" she layed on the floor coughing, you heard yells from behind urging you to stop, you continued letting your rage fuel every punch you send to Annie's face.

She was coughing blood at this point, bruises forming around the structures of her face, her lip busted on the bottom right corner. "DONT FUCKING TALK ABOUT ME LIKE YOU KNOW WHO I AM. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH." Punching her ribs after every sentence.

Suddenly you heard the crowd shuffle, "Right there!" you heard a voice yell behind you. You continued, "FUCK YOU, THAT'S THE LAST TIME YOU WILL EVER TALK ABOUT ME," she was laying on the ground, clearly on the brink of unconsciousness at this point but that didn't bother you.

You were tired of people acting like they knew yours story, as if they knew who you were, your fears, your weaknesses. ‘I have no weaknesses’ you thought to yourself as reassurance.

"L/N, I think that's enough," you heard someone as you continued, rage burning so deep your senses went numb. You turn and see your Captain behind you; you didn't care about him, despite being your superior Levi was a cold hearted tyrant, your blood boiled just thinking about him. You haven't felt so much overwhelming rage in years... Since those nights. Quickly you pushed the memory to the back of your head,

You respond to Levi trying to forget all about it. I thought I had this memory dug chambers deep, why resurface now? of my head; It only made you angrier, a rush of sadness ran down your face, but you pushed it aside.

"Oh hey Captain Levi, did you come join the fun?" You said letting out a slight chuckle as you facing him, your eyes widened and your face splattered with Annies blood. You had gone numb, you weren't thinking, you weren't in the correct mindset; you continued to punch Annie almost crying from rage, vision blurred, you blacked out.

You felt him pull you against his body and away from Annies. Struggling to get out of his grasps hitting at him with your elbows, "Let go of me. Dont fucking touch me, let go of me. Levi you piece of shit!Let. Me. Go! " you sounded insane, everyone eyes darted straight towards you in shock. They probably thought I was crazy for talking to the Captain with such high disregard.

Your vision started to settle and your rage began to melt away. You finally were put down as you looked around you, seeing Annie on the floor.

Eyes widened as you saw her body lying there, 'had I really gone that far?' you stumbled back slightly taking in everything around you as you felt something behind you sending chills down your back. 'Oh SHIT!' Captain Levi stood behind you, eyes scanning you as you could feel the tension and his rage in the air, his deep gray eyes now looking into yours. 'FUCK'

Grabbing your arm he tugged at you causing you to fall on your knees. He dragged you by force, not even letting you get up, your wrist becoming bruised, "Let go of me!," Yelling as you struggled to free your wrists and legs dragging through the dirt. Finally you managed to get up, gaining your balance again. Before you could look up at Levi. You felt a pain hit your ribs from your right side Levis punch sent you down to the floor again.

"I want you in my office after dinner," he scoffed, you felt his hot saliva hit ur face as you looked up at him. He walked away leaving all eyes on you. This wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want to hurt Annie like that, but the rage that rushed through my body was uncontrollable. The moment she mentioned my parents it was out of my control.

In need of a distraction as memories of your parents flooded back in your mind. Kneeling against the dirt, you heard Sasha coming towards you asking if you were okay. Wiping a small tear sneaking its way down your cheek you stood up and began walking back to the barracks, giving your back to your friends.


	2. Distant Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Y/Ns fight with Annie she storm back into her room. As she falls asleep, her old memories start to ressurface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: sexual assault

TW: MENTIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT/SCENE

After storming back into my room I layed down in my bed letting down a sigh of exhaustion. I let out a grunt as I layed on my side; must have been from that asshole and that punch he decided to blow at me.

I never understood how Levi could be the Captain when he doesn't know how to even have simple human interaction without hissing and cursing out at somebody. He always walked around with a smug look on his face, always making sure to hand out punishments for his own pleasure. ‘What a sicko’ this man was a sadist. He enjoyed seeing people miserable, day in and out he would seriously torture cadets simply because he had the power to. Giving out the harshest tasks that weren't even necessary; and I, just happened to be one of those poor misfortunate souls. Listen I know I have a big mouth, but for a man who has one himself he doesn't take my remarks lightly.

During my first year with the Scouts I trained with Levi and his squad before he accepted me as an extension of his team. You'd think for someone who chose me to be a part of his squad that we would like each other, but that couldn't be more far from the truth. Stupid clean freak, always with a stick up his ass. Rude, he should learn some manners since he likes to act like he's so prestigious.

Something about him just irks me, but despite that he’s not completely awful to look at. I've caught myself looking at him while he's spaced out. If I didn't know him, maybe if he wasn't so blunt and uneasy to be around I'd consider getting to _know_ him. “Ew!” I laughed out. I know i didn’t just say that.

Besides. I don't need Levi to fulfil whatever sexual desires my body seems to lack. I mostly have Jean who I occasionally hook up with just to feel some type of relief in my life. Ive hooked up with Eren. Even Reiner, don’t ask. I wouldn't say they are the most enjoyable experiences. I don't let them touch me. I don't let them kiss me, we just hook up. I don't like being touched, I do what I need to get done, get on top of him, get on my knees, and then I leave.

Honestly I needed to feel something, to take back control of my body. I didn't want to feel like such a victim, I didn't want to feel so dirty.

I craved comfort, but that's not something I could get from Jean, muchless anyone else. Deep down I knew all I wanted was a sense of validation, to be appreciated. I didn't believe I was capable of receiving the kind of love I subconsciously looking for. Not here in the scouts; it'd be a mistake to get attached to somebody, people die so quickly. I don't need that type of stress in my life. So I made sure not to get attached

  
It's true, I don't like Levi, but I don't necessarily despise him either. He intrigues me in some ways. He has that look about him that just wants you to get closer and take a dive into those grey eyes of his that seem so burdened with sorrow. I saw something that felt familiar every time I saw those damn eyes with the same sorrow I see in mine when I stare in the mirror.

My mind drifted as I layed down looking outside of the window. A sudden chill fell on the air making me get under my cover, I slowly started drifting to sleep.

My mother was a serious alcoholic by the time I was 10, my father mistreated me my whole life. He treated me like a ragdoll, to me love became violence. I thought my father loved me every time he cut my skin when I didn't do something that pleased him, I believed that he was saying ‘I love you.’ I wanted to be the best I could be to make him happy; how much more naive could a child possibly be, and as soon as he left, my mother fell down an abusive spiral after being fired from her job which caused us to struggled for the next couple of years.

****TW*****

_“No!” I yelled out, “Please don't do this, I'll do anything you want, I’ll get a job and give you the earnings, I'll cook and clean for you, I’ll run your errands” you pleaded, as the shadow of a man started walking towards you. “ I’ll do anything. Please.” I cried out, slowly giving up, my screams turning into whispers.. My crying muffled by the cold wood walls surrounding my body._

_My body laid on the floor, I had been cut multiple times on my arms and across my body to make me comply. I was being tortured. I was forced to sleep with men for some booze money. I had only just turned 18, I could leave but i had lost myself, incapable of incoherent thoughts_

_My mother did not mind threatening my life to make me stay. Saying she would get more men, saying she would make me suffer for being the reason my father left. I wanted to give up. I wanted to be freed from this hell I was being dragged into._

_I had been shown no mercy by any of those filthy men. They were drunk and unashamed. It was clear I was not a prostitute, I was crying, I didn't want this. By the fourth night, I had grown weak. I could see specks of lights through my tears as they flickered outside the window. A man coming towards me, about as rough as the other ones had been. “Please, I'm begging you don't do this!” I was frantically yelling, my body moving around squirming on the floor. I was weak. “Help me, Mom Please. I'll get a job, You don't have to do this anymore. Please!” She would just close the door and walk away._

_After a couple occurrences with the same men. I had thought about some shit plan to just wait for the drunkest to come & knock them out as best as I could with a wooden plank, which ended up being half a shit plan, because it worked; However, my body was weak after, arms bleeding in proof of my “disobedience” I had managed to run away, I ran until I ended up at the training grounds of the cadet corpse for my district. _

****TW END******

“Please. NO!” I woke up from a cold sweat tossing and turning trying to free myself from the blanket that was suffocating my body. Sasha's eyes focused on me with a scared expression as she stood by my door. She quickly rushed to me and hugged me, despite being a little ditzy, I loved her. She was like a sister to me, the only one who had a close enough idea of what had happened to me. She was my roommate when we she first had moved into the quarters, before we had come to the castle. I helped her settle in and whatnot and would constantly be woken up by my frantic 3am screaming after having a nightmare. I trusted her, she comforted me even when I pushed her away.

She held me as I layed down wiping the tears off my face, I looked up to her and she gave me a weak yet reassuring smile letting me know that I was okay now. “You wanna go get dinner now Y/N? They are serving your favorite today,” I let out a chuckle knowing we ate the same gross camp food everyday, and Sasha knew just how much I disliked it. “Okay let's go, you can have my soup,” we both stood up and she squealed with excitement.

“Fuck” remembering that I had to go see Levi sometime after dinner was over as I walked down to the dinning hall. I've never felt more frustrated knowing he would be acting like an asshole the moment I would walk into his office. I wanted to go see Jean before going into the Captain office just to relieve some type of stress, anything. I had so much built up anger the last thing I wanted was my big mouth getting me into more trouble than I had already been in.


	3. Slapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After dinner, Jean and Y/N sneak off into her room, only to be caught by Levi and get dragged into his office were the two of you start arguing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: small sexual scene, violence, cusing

The dining hall was full as usual. All of the scouts seated with their friends, inaudible conversations and laughter filled the room.

Sasha and I had waited in line to get our rations for dinner and once we received our food we searched the room for the table with our friends. Connie, Jean, Eren, Mikasa, and Armin sat by the door and behind them sat Hange, Levi, and Commander Erwin.

I couldn't help but notice Levis' gaze aimed in my direction. His eyes furrowed, he still looked angry from earlier. ‘Great just great’ the last thing I wanted was to be stuck cleaning the stables for 5 months. I gave him a quick stare making eye contact as I sat down in front of Armin and Eren. I was still angry, and the frustration in me was building up inside me. Once we all finished waiting we just sat and laughed, listening to Connie make jokes, Mikasa scolds Sasha once again for taking her bread without asking, & the occasional commotion between Jean and Eren

It quickly got quiet as people started leaving the hall to begin their night duties or to get ready to sleep. A shiver slipped out my chest realizing that I had to go see Levi right after dinner. There was still about half an hour left before I had to go up to his office anyway. So I just thought I should pass the time, before I got up I shot Jean a quick look to let him know to leave after me.

A couple of minutes passed until I heard the doorknob slightly rattle revealing Jean as the door opened. “Took you long enough” you said as he closed the door behind you. You weren't hesitating, and you didn't want small talk. You and Jean both agreed that this was just a casual thing you both needed to relieve all the stress that came with being a scout. You were both good friends after all, so you didn't mind especially because all you were seeking was control 

He stepped towards you trying to give you a kiss before you stopped him and gave him a look making him remember that you dont want anything but sex from him. You felt bad, of course he was also seeking comfort, but it wasn’t the type of comfort you could give to him. He understood how you felt, and never argued against what you wanted.

Jean and I undressed, I left my bra on and his shirt was still on and he laid down and let me get on top of him. “Make it quick,” I said looking at him as I positioned him near my entrance. “I still need to go Levi, and we only have like 15 minutes,” I gasped and he looked up at me letting out a grunt as I started to move my body against his. “So long as you don't open your big mouth, you shouldn't get that bad of a punishment” he chuckled and you gave him a slight slap as you started to pick up the pace.

It was never really awkward between us two; his company was enjoyable and despite his cocky attitude he was actually someone you could confide it and trust and share the occasional laugh with.

The room started to echo with low grunts and moans as you both started to near your climaxes.

Levis POV:

_I had seen y/n leave the hall, but she usually doesn't leave early but I was wondering why she left. She probably had some things to do before she came up to my office. I had no clue what she was thinking once I saw her beating up Annie. I constantly had to pull her out of fights and put up with her bitch behavior. However; she kept me on my feet with her snarky remarks, despite that she got on my nerves every damn day, and she made it hard to be around her. No seconds of peace when she’s around. She’s a walking punch. Tch She's such a damn brat, ‘a brat who seriously knows how to tug at my strings’. A pain in my ass, that's what she is. I'm tired of her walking around spitting responses at me and disrespecting me. Who does she think she is ?_

_She was taking so long to come up to your office. It was already 8 minutes past dinner and I was starting to get impatient. ‘Don't tell me she's skipping out on me’ I thought. If she seriously has it coming for her, she already broke the rules, AGAIN, by fighting with Annie, and now she's late. I really shouldn't care that much. But I'm her Captain, she should do better at listening to me._

**Levi POV end**

Levi got up from his desk and started walking towards your room.

You and Jean were still going at it, both about to reach your climax when the door is quickly opened by Levi. You let out a scream from the sudden sound of the door slamming open. He just stands there looking furious, a wave of heat riding up your face as you felt your cheeks burning when you dressed. Jean looks as if he's just seen a ghost, he quickly gets dressed while Levi looks at both of you with a scolding glare.

“Y/N, in my office, NOW!” he said. As you finished getting dressed again, he walked towards you and quickly grabbed your wrists making you look up at him. The room was silent for a small amount of time as you guys made eye contact and his glare cut through into your brain, it was alluring yet intimidating at the same time; knowing no good was about to come from it. It made you feel like picking up a sweat and so you quickly looked away. He scoffed and dragged you all the way into his office.

It had been a couple of minutes since you had been sitting at the seat opposite from his. It wasn't your first time in the office, you had been here plenty of times.

Not wanting to look directly up at him you scanned his desk. A cup of tea to his right, some stacks of papers on the desk, and an oil lamp illuminating the skin on the left side of his face making his jawline very apparent and a highlight just below his eyes to show up. ‘Shit’ you though. This was so awkward, you didn't know what to do. You were not ashamed of sleeping with Jean, you were ashamed of getting caught. The last thing you would want was your Captain catching you as you're about to come with your whole ass out.

“Alright brat,” he finally said breaking the silence, “Do you know how much trouble you're in for what you did this morning? That's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever seen, you could've gotten yourself kicked out of the Scouts and Annie killed. And seeing as I caught you with horse-face when you were supposed to be here in my office. Someone oughta teach you some self control” he said harshly with a slight look of disgust.

“Look I didn't mean to hurt Annie the way I did, but she crossed the line. My anger took over and I’ll take the punishment for that,” you stood up and looked at him, ‘But that doesn't give you the fucking right to say I need self control for fucking Jean! I can very much control myself when it comes to sex. Apologies for wanting to be somewhere else than to be in here with someone as bitchy as you in this stupi--” He cut you off as he stood up and spoke over you.

“You better watch what you say next very carefully cadet.” he spit at me, his body only a foot away from mine. “Your attitude is not my problem, I suggest you think before acting like a fucking bitch. I'm your Captain, you need to learn how to treat me with respect. I will not tolerate your insubordination. I could easily ground you from missions and training for 6 months if i really wanted to.”

I was pissed off, I really shouldn't be but the moment he essentially called me desperate pulled the draw for me. “Fuck you Levi. You can have my respect once you earn it. You don't know me, you think you're so great. You’ve always had it out for me, why the fuck had you even chose me as a part of your special ops squad if you were so clear on disliking me from the very start. & you know what, you're fucking psycho I might've gotten Annie hurt, but atleast I dont get hard from hurting others you fucking sadist, go to hell” I was so done with tolerating all of his bullshit, he seriously got under my skin so easily, like he knew exactly what to say to ignite rage. So why can't I get under his skin too?

As I turned by back to him and started walking towards the door behind me he grabbed my wrist. “Where do you think you're going, you're in deep shit. You aren't going anywhere until I say you are dismissed.” I swatted his wrist away from mine, “suck my dick,” SHITT, stupid good for nothing big mouth, it has a mind of its own I promise you that. I was already in deep there was nothing else I could do, “I'm not letting you talk to me like I'm one of your servants from the lower ranks. I was #1 in my fucking district. You've seen me out in the field, you know I'm good, you CHOSE me to be in the Ops group. When will you stop treating me like a kid”

“Ill stop treating you like a kid once you stop fucking acting like one,”

I was exhausted, mad, my body just took two steps towards him and slapped his face with a look of disgust.


	4. Spilled

He was taken back, looking surprised as I stood in front of him. Oh wow, I really just did that. I was soooo done for. I knew I had crossed the line, but the way he was speaking to me, his tone, It just irritated me. He quickly grabbed the hand that I had just slapped across his face, still warm and red from the contact

“Are you fucking serious Y/N” He slapped you across the face making you hold your already warm hand up to your face. He looked absolutely done. He was about to lose his calm, he had already been putting up with you as much as he could. Now suffocatingly angry, the look in his eyes said it all, his eyes reflected exactly how angry I was feeling.

“Fuck you Levi,” You went and threw a punch at his face being able to land a blow or two before he started blocking them. This seriously went violent very quickly and I wish I wasent the one to blame. I just let my emotions take control of me, when really it should be the other way around. .

“Thats it” Levi growled out, he hit you in your stomach and as you fell down he kicked his foot harshly against your back making you let out a small wail in pain. He quickly came down and put your hands brutally behind you back which sent a shooting pain up to your shoulder

TW: Memory of SA

CLICK*

_The memories of your past came rushing into your brain, flooding your thoughts, the sounds of the knife cuttings into your skin and dropping onto the floor, the sound of your mother closing you inside of a room leaving you trapped with those monsters, the heavy weighted bodies presseing up against you, your arms being restrained, your body in pain._

I started to frantically yell, “Please let me go, Please let me go, I can't do this anymore, I'm sorry Mom, I know it's my fault that dad left. Stop hurting me, I'll be better, don't do this to me,” you were kicking in the ground, scrambling around, your eyes full of tears and your frustrated wails screamed bloody murder

Levi looked scared, looking down at your desolated body on the ground. He quickly let go getting off of you. You were still in a haze, your memories continued to shoot through your skin as you remembered how helpless you felt, how hurt and weak you became after each time. Feeling the weight being lifted out of your body you instinctively started to fight. 

I shot to the body behind me, the sorrow, the hurt, and the pain from my memories flowing out of my eyes and out of hand with each blow I sent towards the body. Yelling and grunting, “PIECE OF SHIT. RAPIST. FUCKING DIRTY CUNT. WHY ME! DON'T TOUCH ME!! ILL KILL YOU. ” 

You haven't felt a pain like this in a long time. Shooting though your body like water falling from a shower head swallowing you whole. You felt exhausted, you started crying once you realized what you did, how you reacted towards Levi, slowly falling to the floor as you held onto his shirt, he lowered his body with yours until you were both on the floor, holding you as you whimpered and struggled to breath into his chest. “DON'T…TOUCH..me.” You became numb, slowly losing yourself as you sunk into the floor.

Levi was shocked, he didn't know what was going on, but he could only imagine it had to do with your mother since you called out to her apologizing and begging like your life depended on it. He sat there on the floor with you, reaching to your back and placing his hand there. He was not used to comforting people. He himself did not understand what comfort was supposed to be, him reaching out to you was sudden, his body acted before he could even think.

“Hey! Hey Y/N?” he sounded unsure of what he was saying, “You're okay. Your mother is not here, you are in my office, you’re safe. Try to breath,” you were hyperventilating, constantly choking and coughing as you yelped and cried. 

* * *

You woke up quickly on a couch and yelled. You were still scared; disoriented. There was a fireplace to your left and a coffee table and armchair besides it. You breathed in trying to take in your surroundings, reaching up to your forehead as your head started to throb in pain.

You heard a door opening behind you and snapped your head around. Levi came into the room holding two cups of tea. You quickly remembered what had happened and got up from the couch, your body was weak, exhausted. It caused you to stumble and fall forwards into the couch as your knees touched the ground sloppily. 

“Levi, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. Just forget it ever happened,” you said with your voice slightly shaking, you felt embarrassed? He saw you at your lowest point, your weaknesses rising into the surface of your being. The weaknesses you didn’t want anyone to see you had.

No one has ever held me like that, like Sasha does. He was mad, he had to have been, I was cursing him out and hitting him before I even clicked out of it, & even after, he held me? Carried me to this couch, made me tea and put a blanket over me ?

“You want to at least tell me what happened? Does this have to do with what happened with Annie this morning?” He said slightly concerned. Walking over to your side and handing you the cup of tea he had made for you, “Here take this, you should relax, your body is weak, just don’t stress yourself out.”

I hesitated but then took the cup from his hand. “Thanks, guess you aren't without a heart huh,” rolling my eyes letting out a soft chuckle.

“Shut it brat, and don't roll your eyes at me, just drink the tea and be quiet,” he huffed out. He sat on the other side of the couch next to you. Both sipping from your cups staring away into the flames and listening to the crackling of the fire. Even if you weren't talking, it wasn't awkward; surprisingly it was somewhat calming just being in his presence. This was different from Jean, not sure how, but it was. Maybe your emotions were just doing all of the thinking. Maybe you should tell him what happened? Calling him a rapist probably shocked him, he now knew something along those lines happened, you can't take back what you said. Maybe he would understand why I did what I did to Annie? Why I just am the way I am, Im unsure. Why did I want to explain myself to him out of all people. I did resent him in some way, but everything about his recent actions was pulling me towards him, he seemed so different in a way.

“Levi?....” you said as you looked over to him. “ I feel like I should explain everything. Not that I owe you any explanation or anything-” 

He interrupted me as I was trying to continue, “Before you say anything I should apologize--,”

“Apologize for what? You stopped him, feeling slightly annoyed, Why was he apologizing? I’m constantly self sabotaging. Why can’t I just let him apologize & leave. I don’t need to be so upset. 

“If you can just let me finish without interrupting me maybe you'd find out!” he said in a sternly matter with that idiotic stoic vibe he always carries. Still, he didn’t feel the same, the way he was currently carrying himself seemed heavier. You let him continue out of curiosity . 

“I clearly over stepped one of your boundaries and triggered an old memory, you didn't seem like you took it too well. And I apologize.”

TW 

“You shouldn't apologize. You didn't do anyt- It’s not your fault. It's not your problem that I can't keep my emotions in check.” Oh no. Well so much for saying I wouldn’t let my emotions control me I was still triggered by what had happened. & the emotions that I had been swallowing back started spitting out. “ I just, I so feel dirty. Can you let it go? So what I was raped, I don't see how that's any of your business.” these words started spilling out of my mouth without any intent of stopping. As much as I wanted to have control of what I was saying, I didn’t.

“It already happened, I can't change the past and neither can you ! I was just scared, their touch, their grip, their smells, they still linger on my skin, no matter how much soap I use, how hard I scrub on my skin. I can't forget about them, they are slowly drowning me. I don't want to remember all of that when Im being touched. I'm supposed to be one of the strongest people here ! I'm not some toy! So fucking pathetic and weak, how could i let my emotions take over like that! Annie called me a slut, she said my parents raised a whore, and you know maybe they did. Maybe that's what my mother saw as my potential as she began to sell my body away for some fucking booze money, perhaps thats what im worth!” 

“That's why I fuck Jean, why I _fucked_ Eren, Reiner. But of course now everyone knew because of Annie's big mouth! I want to be in control of my own body, how can I even say I'm in control when I dont even let anyone touch me. What is sex, because I keep telling myself I know, but in reality I’m about as lost as a virgin could be. How can I say I want comfort when the only person who's given me solace is Sasha. I'm so tired, I don't even know what love is supposed to feel like. My dad cut my skin as a way of saying he still loved me after I would displease him in any way. Love isn't Violence, but how can I tell myself that when the two people who are supposed to love me the most pained my body in ways I could never have imagined!” I said, still yelling at Levi, letting out everything that I've been keeping inside. 

“ His ‘love’ is carved into my skin! I just want to know what it's like to have someone, without ruining it; someone to hold, without a fear of losing them consuming me. I’m so done” I almost started to cry again, holding back the tears of pain as I frantically yelled. Levi stared back at me with a blank expression 

He looked at me, his stoic expression slightly breaking, showing remorse in his eyes, “I'm still a story,” he put his cup down. 

_Whatever, since when is he even nice? He's so stubborn sometimes, even if I tell him no, he will keep apologizing._

“Seriously, you can’t even follow my one request to not apologize. You’re so annoying, and so hard headed did you know that?” . Even though I wouldn't dare say it to his face, I enjoyed his company, and letting all of those bottled feelings out, he wouldn’t have been my first choice, but it just happened to me him. I wanted to be in his head. Understand him for one day, and then maybe we could be on common ground. 

Finally giving into him you rolled your eyes, “Thank you. For umm listening I guess? I don’t know, just, thank you and sorry for hitting you, even though I will admit it was a good release. If you tell anyone I’ll have to kill you in your sleep” You started to feel your eyes become heavy and let out a yawn. You stood up and started walking towards the door, not wanting to make things awkward. It was a lot to take in.

“Bye Captain, Goodnight” looking over my shoulder as I opened the door. 

“Goodnight. ” he just sat there, eyes pressed on your back as you opened the door and watched you leave. Curiosity flooded his mind, he also enjoyed your company, despite not having touched him, he felt comfort with your presence. Comfort he was unfamiliar with. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  



	5. Smug

TW: Language, choking

I got woken up by the running and murmuring noises outside of my doors. Cadets running left and right getting their jobs done, preparing for duty, all the boring stuff. It had been a while since we had a mission and I was excited because there was one coming up soon. ‘Another day of training.’ My head was hurting, crying; it never failed to make my eyes swollen and give me a migraine the next morning. What a pain.

I quickly opened my eyes, letting the morning light that shone in through the window settle against my skin, feeling a slight warm that sent the most amazing feeling through my whole body. How I loved the sun, a new day, a new reason, a new opportunity. 

Once I was dressed I headed down to the dinning hall to grab a quick bite before training. I felt slightly weak from the emotional exhauster that was last night, so I wanted to make sure I ate before I went outside. I grabbed my food and went to the table my friends and I always sit at.

I lazily sat on the table, my limbs flimsy as I swung around to get in a comfortable position . I noticed Levi with the commander at the table next to us like always, without a fail. He looked tired, more tired than usual. ‘no sleep huh’ I thought to myself. “Maybe the stick got shoved too far up his ass this morning,” 

‘Shit accidentally said out loud’ and everyone who sat at the table darted towards me, even Levi’s table looked my way just scanning the situation. I let out a laugh, “Oops, said that out loud,” I gave my soup to Sasha so her excitement drew away the attention of what I had said before anyone asked who I was talking about. I slowly picked up my food and ate it until we were all ready to head outside. </p

* * *

It was just basic training today. Sparring, swords, odm practice, all of the usual stuff nothing crazy. Levi was just observing us, making you pay attention to anything that needed to be fixed. I was sparring with eren now; despite the whole titan boy thing this man couldn't fight even if his life depended on it. He had one good move, and it wasn't even his! It was Annies. 

I made sure to keep my eyes on his legs, knowing he would kick out his leg any moment. This was simply the most boring thing, I already knew all of his moves, and he wasn't fast enough to catch me off guard---- Just like I thought he went for the kick, It took me two second to grab him and flip him down on his back with my body and choked him out with my legs as he struggled and eventually gave up and tapped the ground. 

After we both got up from the ground I started to space out and look around me. A couple meters away I was watching Petra and Eld sparring. I was in the special ops squad with them along with Gunther and Oruo. We worked well together, most of our missions as a team were perfectly executed.

Despite not being as close with them as they were with each other I still appreciated them very much, Petra was always sweet to me; the boys, being a huge pain in our asses, but never failed to make me smile when I was in a pissy mood. 

“Oi brat! What do you think you're doing? This isn't your _free_ time, I have yet told you to stop sparring, so I don't see a reason for you to be spacing out.” He looked at me, standing a couple of feet away the stupid shitty stoic expression is STILL there, and I'm almost convinced it will always be there. 

“Wow Captain, you sure have your way with the ladies, way to ruin my good mood.” My lip curved upwards slightly as I turned my body fully around so we were completely facing each other.

“Go run 10 laps now cadet,” he spit brutally back at me, expressionless.

“Are fucking you serious!? I haven't even done anything wrong? You never even said anything to Eren and he was slacking off just as much as me,” Eren looked at me giving me a ‘thanks for throwing me off the bus’ kinda look and I just shrugged back at him. It was obvious the Captain had already known it , so it didn't matter whether I mentioned it or not.

“Watch your tone bastard. Make it 20” he looked at you obviously displeased with your actions

“Oh now you're just being unfair! Just because you have a stick up your ass and cant take a joke doesn't mean you can just punish me and make me run 20 laps!” You replied to him with a look of frustration forming as your eyes furrowed together. 

Everyone's eyes now darting their way to where Levi and I stood, still sparring to avoid getting in trouble, but hardly even trying to make sure they could still hear our conversation.

“Actually, _Cadet_ ,” he stepped towards me not breaking eye contact, “ I CAN punish you because I want to, and you WILL run the 20 laps. I dare you to keep up the attitude and see how you'd like to stay here cleaning stalls while we go out on the 57th expedition.” he sneered, it was harshly said, '' I couldn't argue any longer or it would get out of hand. “You better watch that big bitch mouth of yours or you’ll get kicked out of MY squad, and off the scouts as a whole” he walked in front of you, his face 1 foot away from yours, you could smell the lavender soap and tea off him, a ‘rather pleasant smell for such a displeasing man.’

“Youve got to be kidding me Levi! You can't take me off the mission because my small joke hurt your ego. You need me there, you can't take me off the mission! This is unfair.” You practically were all out yelling at him, all composure had been lost. 

He stepped towards you, his nose practically touching yours, “Listen up Y/N, I'm going to say this once, and I won't repeat myself, you could easily be replaced, don't think that just because you're good your untouchable” he grabbed my throat pushing me up against the tree, I grabbed his wrist gritting my teeth, both our faces full of rage. “If you want to see unfair, I’ll show you unfair, now stop fucking disrespecting me and go run the 20 laps.” He let go off me as he tossed me to the side making me fall to the ground. I let out a grunt as I gasped for air coughing into the ground with my face turning red. 

“Fine, be my guest.” I got up and took my jacket and shirt off. I was left in my bra. I was about to have the sweat of my life, & by the 20 laps I would’ve had to go to dinner, might aswell not get the shirt dirty.

Levi gave me a scan, I'm practically naked & perhaps he thought it was highly inappropriate, which it definitely was. “Don’t look at my life that, I’m about to sweat my ass off because of _your_ 20 laps & I would rather not suffocate. You could take a mental shot of me, and if you really like what you see that much I could make it last longer,” I chuckled, turning my back to him.

“Y/N. Y/N you're in my office. _tonight_!” he yelled but I just ignored him running away pretending I hadn't heard him, he knew damn well I did. If he really wanted this game, I would make sure to beat him at it. Clearly I had been wrong on him having a heart, he hasn't changed; still has a stick up that ass of his. Naive of me to think he had a soft spot at all, ‘C’mon idiot’ I scolded myself thinking this man could feel any type of sympathy or respect towards anyone other than himself, Hange, which he barely even could deal with, and Erwin. I know I'll be hearing about this later, but right now I wanted him to know that I didn't care about him talking down on me. 


	6. Crossing the Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get slightly heated between Y/N and Levi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: teasing, language

By the time I was done with the stupid 20 laps my big mouth had granted me it was already time to go in and get dinner. I was exhausted, and my stomach started to grumble after the 14th lap. ‘Guess I didn't have enough breakfast.’ The sun was starting to go down as I headed towards the doors of the dinning hall. I quickly threw my shirt on still buttoning as I walked inside. 

The doors accidentally slammed against the wall when I came in bringing all eyes on me. I clearly looked exhausted, my hair hung in a low pony tale which was coming undone, flyaway strands sticking to my skin and my white shirt turning slightly see-through exposing by black bra from the sweat. Ugh why does everyone have to look at me right now, “Can I help you guys?” I looked around the room waving my hands at every corner. Everyone went back to eating

I got my food and sat down with the group. “Damn Y/N, you look like shit. Those 20 laps really did a number on you,” Connie said, “Hey don't be mean now Connie, I don't see you going out there doing 20 laps,” Eren laughed, “Well maybe that's because Connie doesn't have a big mouth like Y/N here, atleast she can put it to good use.” Jean added

My eyes went wide as I started to laugh “Oh I _know_ you didn’t just say that. You better shut up horse face," I said while hitting his head, Jean started started to laugh and we all followed filling the whole room with the echoes of our laughs. This was exactly what I needed, moments like these with them made everything worth while.

I saw Levi looking over at us while we laughed clearly displeased at the loudness as well as the fact that I was already feeling better after our little dispute a couple hours ago. I shrugged off his stare and went back to the conversations.

While we cracked some more jokes and pulled a prank on Sasha hiding her food from her before she came back from the bathroom which made her go crazy, it was the funniest thing ever. Almost suddenly I felt a sudden tug at my shoulder. Eren and Connies eyes darted up to the person behind me. “I bet you it's Levi behind me right now, coming to ruin my night, are you?” I turned around letting out an annoyed sigh and rolling my eyes as I made eye contact with Levi. “I win.. Yay,” I said sarcastically. “Welp wish me luck guys” I said as I started to be dragged away as Levi tugged my by the wrists away from the table 

* * *

As we walked away from the table I couldn’t help but laugh thinking back to all the jokes being said at the table & Levi dragging me away. 

“I'm seeing you're enjoying this for some reason Y/N,” Levi said clearly annoyed. “I know I said I wanted you in my office tonight, but you looked like you were having a little too much fun, I just had to drag you out here.” he let out a sadistic stare. 

“Suck my dick Levi, the day I'm excited to see you is the day I’ll die,” you looked into his eyes not wanting to back down. 

“You shouldn't have ignored me earlier brat, when are you going to learn to treat me like a superior.” He scolded, looking down at me. 

“I don't know, maybe 10 to 20 business laps.. Oh excuse me, I mean days--give or take,” you responded quickly without hesitation. “Listen, _Captain_ ,” I said coming closer to his face coming giving him a tempting look as my lip curved slightly. You were clearly enjoying this. It was fun to play with Levi.

“I don't know what youre so angry about, Sir. I've been nothing good cadet lately, following all of your orders like a good cadet would do,” you couldn't help but let out a soft laugh. I’m really just want to play around & see what can happen at this point. 

“Oh really? Because a ‘ _Good’_ cadet wouldn't get a 20 lap penalty,” “How was that by the way? You looked like shit when you came inside. The sight was quite delightful” he came closer to you, your back pressed up against the stone wall, he put his right arm up next to your head above your shoulders, you both were definitely playing the same game, the question was, who would win? 

He leaned forwards, his breathing next to your ear sending a warmth down your spine “Keep it up and you’ll end up getting taken out of the 57th expedition, I suggest you behave” his hand slid up my the side of my left thigh slowly as he grabbed my waist in a firm yet subtle way. 

“And if I don't behave, _Captain? What will happen then?”_ You said as you played with the hem of his slightly tucked shirt gracing the skin of his stomach as you traced the waistband on his shorts. ‘Fuck’ since when was Levi so hot, why did I want to kiss him, he was being a jerk, but the tone he was speaking was still incredibly attractive. 

His hand that was once on your waist started to go up your shirt slowly caressing the skin above your rib cage. As much as I was trying to hold it in chills ran down my body as his touch lingered on my skin, my breathing became ragged. ‘What am I even feeling right now’. 

“Well it's simple really,” he brought his face in front of yours as his hand moving closer to your core, your body was in a rush of sudden heat. Your eyes shot up at him and he leaned down to whisper in your ear not taking his hand away, only moving it lower at a slower speed , “I’ll have to kick you out of the Scouts.” He removed his hands making your body jolt and tucked the hem of his shirt you had slightly tucked out of his waistband back in. “Have a good night, Cadet.” Oh I know he didn't just do that, I can't let him win like that

As he began to walk away reaching for the door you came in front of him and slide your hand across the front of his pants giving him an innocent look, “Oh,” you looked down as your hand was still placed on him, lingering, “My apologies, Captain, I must have not noticed where I was walking. Good night, Sir,” You opened the door going back into the dinning hall, looking behind you and giving Levi a smile, he just shook his head still surprised by your actions

I went back to the table and sat, they all asked me questions about how much trouble I was going to be in after what happened. “Nothing crazy. Just stuck with some cleaning duties,” I made up a lie.

Levi and I would occasionally look at eachother while indulging in our own conversations. Oh this was going to be fun.

Levis POV: 

_With Y/N standing in front of me like that, looking so flustered as my hand grazed her stomach, trying to keep her composure. She’s never looked so helpless before. Since when was she ever like this, she’s usually very bold, I’ll give her that but this, this was different. She managed to pull out some tricks as well. Being around her after the incident that happened last night was hard, I wanted to make sure she was okay. For once I was actually worried, but what did I even know about comfort, about a genuine conversation. It was best for me to just act like my normal self around her, hoping that that solace I knew we both felt last night would drift away until it was just a distant memory. I couldn’t get attached. She almost made me lose my composure. Something about her attitude draws me to her, despite being such a hot headed-short tempered bitch she was strong, confidence in her strides and actions, never afraid to speak her mind, I enjoyed that about her. It chances the usual slow repetitive pace of my day, however, if doesn’t mean I enjoy having to scold her every other day for breaking a rule. But giving into her would have been crossing the line. The line that was slowly starting to blur away. ‘Fuck Levi’ you cant do this, it wouldn't be appropriate, you're her Captain, and shes your cadet, your soldier. You can be drawn to her, interested in her, curious about her as much as you'd like. Just as long as it stays that, just a thought._


	7. Stay a little longer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Call me foolish but my heart couldn't help but flutter as his eyes met mine. I know I had said that I would die the day I was excited to see him, but I don't want to die just yet."

Throughout the nextweek the tension between me and Levi seemed to fade away. After our encounter nothing serious had happened after that night, except two days ago when I said that my assignment was dumb and a waste of my time infront of him. Of course he called me up to his office that night and scolded me, I still didn't close my mouth once we were in his office making him bring his face very close to mine for a couple seconds grazing my thigh slightly before scoffing and telling me to leave. 

He was being his usual standoffish arrogant self, pretty much every other day besides that. His behavior towards me didn't change after our encounter a couple nights ago which was seriously starting to get to me. I know nothing between the Captain and I would ever happen, but how could he just touch and tease me like that then just throw me off to the side. Was I just a toy he enjoyed playing with ? He was sending me so many mixed signals.

Telling me I was doing good during combat training, a compliment, which was rare within itself; But then he would continue being a rude fucker for the rest of the day. I would also catch him looking at me every so often with slight, curiosity? I just brushed it off, never giving him the attention or reaction that perhaps he was trying to get out of me. I was done worrying about it, it had already been a week and there's only been one true instant where there had been some serious tension between us but that's all it was, one instant, nothing more, just one, right?

* * *

Today was the day of the mission. Everyone was having mixed feelings, some more excited than others to say the least. The tension in the air felt almost suffocating as I left my room and headed to storage so I could put on my ODM gear and go meet up with the Special Ops squad.

Running into Petra on the way there as we talked about what we had to to before we left; go over the plan and get some small warm ups in, my body felt slightly sore. Levi had us training our asses off, maybe too much, just make sure all 6 of us would be good to go, even Eren was riding with us today 

* * *

I couldn't tell what it was but something was telling me that this mission had an ulterior motive, something was off, but I just brushed it off thinking I was just overthinking from the odd feeling of nervousness that coursed through my blood.

Snapping out of the trance that had devoured my body in chills, Petra & I were making fun of how Eren almost fell off his horse before Levi came up to us, “Tsk, what are you brats laughing at so early in the morning.” “Nothing Sir, Eren just almost fell off his horse,” I said smiling trying to hold my laugh back, but Petra let out a snort making all three of us laugh. Eren coughed, “Fuck you,” followed by another cough, clearly trying to hide his very obvious words.

The 57th Expedition was about to start and that small moment laughing with those two made me happy, it made me confident in our chances of succeeding today. 

* * *

We somehow ended up inside of a forest, tensions were running high. Levi had left to go somewhere leaving Petra and I slightly confused but we trusted in his judgments.

Before I could process anything, the smell of blood had completely drowned me my eyes focusing on on the Female Titan as she killed the people of my squad one by one. 

“No! Wait Petra!” something didn’t feel right, i tried to stop them from leaving, but over the loud roars, odm, thuds, and screams you’re voice didn’t reach them.

The titan came out of nowhere, we managed to fight her and blind her but in the blink of an eye Eld, Petra, Ouluo and Gunther were all dead. It was just me left, I attempted to push the pain I felt inside me aside, I couldn't let anything distract me from trying to take her down. How could I just stood there and do nothing as my friends laid in the puddles of their own blood. How could she kill them without hesitation, wasn't she a shifter? The same as Eren, a human, one of us, flesh and blood. How could they kill so easily. 

I charged towards her, allowing my rage to fuel my body and once I was next to her I sliced the ligament and muscles holding her right hand behind her nape causing it to fall to her side.

I heard a loud roar next to me sending painful vibrations through my ears, and then sudden blinding flash. Before I could look the Titan grabbed me with her other hands causing pain as I felt some of my ribs breaking with the sudden force before she tossed me to the side

Desperately falling towards the ground I managed to shot my ODM gear up to the first tree I saw yelling as I felt my knee hit a branch causing my ODM gear to go out of control, I yelled and winced in pain as my body swung around I managed to slightly pull myself up but ended up landing on the floor harder than I thought causing a stinging sensation to shoot up my ankle. 

I layed on the ground pain shooting from all parts of my body my head throbbed in pain as I tried to push my hair out of my face, “Fuck!” There was blood on my hand, I somehow managed to hit something hard enough while I spun out of control to split the corner of my forehead, hard enough to make me feel dizzy. I started to doze off as the adrenaline wore off and my body started to ache in pain. 

* * *

I don't know how long I was on the floor for, but my body was aching as it was being moved, wind rushing towards my face. My eyes are struggling to flutter open,”Huh?” I was disoriented and I felt lost. I looked up and saw Levi's face in a blur, I heard him cuss out some words I was unable to make out as he carried me in his arms, “Dammit Y/N! Come on, just wait a little longer, don't give out on me yet,” I held into him a little tighter causing slight discomfort on my chest, “Lev--, t-they. Our squad...fought--hard” I was starting to doze off again slurring out the last of my words. “Don't worry Y/N, you'll be okay, I won't lose somebody else. I refuse to.” My eyes rolled back into my back and my body became limp once again causing Levi to hold me a little tighter. 

Levi POV: 

_We had managed to trap the Female Titan and before we could assess the situation it let out a deafening scream causing Titan to come towards her allowing her to escape as they ate the body left in front of us._

_I had to get back to my squad, I had left them, but I was sure they would be okay, they were some of the best, they wouldn't be on my squad if they weren't._

_A roar and a flash of light coming from straight ahead, I immediately rushed towards it as I saw Eren fighting the Female Titan but quickly my eyes became focused on something else._

_‘No, there's no way, not again’ the bodies of my squad layed around the area, their bodies broken and covered in blood. Making my memories shift to my past; remembering the pain I had felt as I had seen Isabel's head on the ground and Farlan get eaten a couple meters ahead of me. ‘_

_No, snap out of it,’ my eyes looked around frantically, everyone was here except Y/N, ‘dammit where is she?! I went around looking for her, it took me 20 seconds until I saw her body on the ground, blood covering her face as she laid unconscious._

_‘She still has a pulse, good’ I picked her up and started to retreat as Erwin had declared this mission a failure when we failed to capture the Female Titan. I was so worried she was gone as well._

_Why had I cared so much._

* * *

I woke up with my head in disarray. Bandages wrapped tightly around my head, wincing in pain as my body jolted upwards feeling the thick wrappings around my stomach. “Fuck, that was a bad Idea! Oh come on! Not my whole leg,” i looked down and saw the cast around my leg. I hated not being able to move, last thing I wanted was to be stuck out of duty for 6 weeks struggling to move in crutches, but that looks about the way I was heading. 

“Didn't think you were going to wake up brat. You seemed pretty out of it when I found you, I expected you to at least be out for a couple more hours or even a day.” He said looking up at me with a cup of tea and book in his hand. Had he been here the whole time, waiting for me to wake up?

“Oh shut it Captain, how about you try getting thrown out into the air by a Titan hmm?” I chuckled, “Argh,” grabbing my ribs as I stopped my laugh quickly. 

“Yea okay, whatever,” usually his response would be a little more harsh, right?

“Is the squad oka-,” I stopped mid sentence. The squad. Levi squad, they were all whipped out by that monster. And I made it out alive, out of everyone how did I make it out alive.

“L-Levi Im sorry, I should've- I should've tried harder.” Fuck. They died, they died. They were gone, I would never get to laugh with them again. Just like that. Gone. 

“Y/N! You did what you could, I left you guys, I almost got you killed too….I thought you weren't going to be alive…”

Right now, I noticed what was so different in Levi, his stoic expression had been completely wiped off his face, all you could read was the pain and guilt in his eyes, consuming his whole being. 

“I’ll be fine. C’mon you know how highly I think of myself, you really didn't think I'd die that easily right,” you said, giving him a reassuring look that you were okay. “This isn't the first time I've been in pain, I've been through worse. I promise you I’ll be okay. I'm guessing I strained my knee and broke my ankle; Nothing permanent. Now stop looking so worried and wipe that look off your face, where did the good ol cold hearted Captain that we all knew and loved go?” I was trying to cheer him up. It wasent easy to come to a realization of what had happened, especially since it occurred so quickly.

He looked at me, turning his head letting out a relieved sigh and rolled his eyes slightly curling up his lip upwards, small, but noticeable. 

“Whatever brat, and stop rolling your eyes at me. Do I have to tell you a million times?” He looked at me making eye contact

“Maybe you just might have to, Captain.”

Call me foolish but my heart couldn't help but flutter inside as his eyes met mine. I know I had said that I would die the day I was excited to see him, but I don't want to die just yet, I wanted to see this side of Levi everyday if I could, maybe I’ll stay alive a little longer. 


	8. Rain

Chapter 8: 

Me and Levi had spent the rest of the night in each other's presence, there was some talk here and there but we mostly were just taking in each other's company.

It was almost a comfortable feeling being around him, but I couldn't let myself accept it fully knowing that things would most likely not remain as they were now. The last thing I needed was getting attached and much less to something that was temporary. Before drifting to sleep I had felt Levi get up from his seat presumably headed back to his quarters to get some rest.

In the morning I tried to stand up from my bed to at least get some type of movement in. When I swung my leg to hang of the bed, I slightly groaned but being as stubborn as even I decided to continue.

Standing up slightly too quickly, I managed to lose my balance and began to fall backwards, “Fuck,” thinking I would hit the ground I braced myself but before I could feel myself reach the ground I felt a body wrap itself around mine.

Once I found my balance I turned around. Low and belong Levi Ackerman stood behind me with his hands wrapped around my waist now facing each other looking into his eyes. His grip on me failed to let go, still holding me tightly.

“You seem to be around whenever I least expect it Levi, you scared the shit out of me by the way, but thanks for catching me,” I looked into his eyes scanning him slowly and I grabbed his wrist so he would help me lower myself into the bed. 

“Don't think anything of it, I was gonna let you fall you know,” he let go off me, “That wouldn't have been nice would it now, “ I said in a joking manner slapping his arm, his eyes looked up at me unsure of what to say or how to react, “You bitch dont hit me,” he said in a playful tone as he lazily slapped my shoulder back causing me to grown. ‘My bad,” he said. “It’s okay Levi, I'm not made of paper you know.”

I sighed as I sat on the bed, Yesterday's events still weighed heavy on my shoulders. My squad had really died in the blink of an eye, and I couldn't help but feel guilt. “Maybe if I had moved a little faster, or planned my moves out a little better they would still be here, it all happened so fast, I just cou-” 

“Stop blaming yourself for what happened Y/N, It was all out of your control.” The room became quiet as we both drowned in our own thoughts, you broke the silence.

“Levi?...” slightly hesitating before continuing, “How do you get over death? I don’t know how to move on, it feels like there's something pressing down on my chest not letting me fully breathe, a weight on my shoulders disallowing me to sit up straight.” I looked at him as he sat on the foot of the bed taking some time to think before answering. 

“I dont get over it and I don't think I ever will. Sometimes it gets hard to sleep, nightmares can keep me up. But dwelling on it will only burden you. You just have to remind yourself that as long as you keep fighting their sacrifices won't be in vain.”

His head was looking down at your cast as he lost his train of thought, but that was all you needed to hear, some slight reassurance. He also opened up to me about some of his struggles which felt nice. He knew more about me than I knew about him, so it made me feel some sort of relief. 

* * *

The next couple of weeks were a pain in my ass, and being in these damn crutches only made it harder. I was to rest no physical activity at all. Eat, rest, and repeat inside of my room in the infirmary.

I had become so bored I started talking to myself and by the 4th week I was completely frustrated, everyday was so repetitive and there were only so many times a girl could sit on her bed reading over and over. Sasha and the rest of them would come by to check up on me and spend a little bit of time with me when they had some to spare, and some nights they would even come up to my room and visit with dinner and sit and eat with me. It wasn't a lot but I really did appreciate it. I was learning to understand friendship and the ways that it works, and it was all thanks to them. I was finally learning how to slowly free myself from my past 

* * *

It had been weeks since I had seen Levi, and as much as I hated to admit it, it bothered me that he had not come in to see me at all. It was idiotic of me to even think I had meant that much to him, I just, I had thought that after him saving me, and being with me those two days in the hospital helping and comforting me would have changed things? Why change, and even if it changed things in what way? Why should I even be thinking about this, he was probably there because of his duty as my Captain, not because he cared about being there for me.

He was still the same Levi, no reason to think or expect any different from him just because of some small encounters. I knew I wasn't his priority at all, I didn't even know if he enjoyed my presence at all. What I did know is that my heart felt a little lighter when he was around. 

He had just lost Petra, who he clearly was fond of, and the rest of his squad. I understood if maybe he was just grieving or doing things to keep his mind away from the fact that they were gone. Could it be possible that he was avoiding me because he blamed me for their death? Is that why he hasn't seen me, did he manage to come to a conclusion that put me at fault?

I was put on crutches now, meaning I was finally able to leave the infirmary and go back to the loud mess that was the castle.

After finally being able to move around on the stupid pieces of wood I headed back to my room and got my towel so I could finally get a shower and get that horrible infirmary scent of off me. I slightly struggled and I wasn't able to get my cast wet making it a hassle, but Sasha offered to help which made it much easier. I got dressed in a skirt, it was either that or shorts, and I wasn't about to prance around with shorts on…

Why did this stupid cast have to be so damn thick, I was very used to wearing pants I just became accustomed to them I guess, I already knew I would get stares and if anyone even mentioned the skirt I would murder them. 

Once I crutched my way into the cafeteria trying not to bring attention to myself as I struggled to open the damn door it flung opened and slammed onto the wall.

Dammit why did this stupid door always bring attention to me when I least needed it. I looked frustrated as I huffed and pushed my way to the table where my friends were sitting at, I sat down slightly out of breath with a spoiled look on my face. “Damn someones in a good mood today,” Eren said as he looked at me. “It must be the skirt, but she's always like that,” Jean said chuckling, they both meant no harm but I just really couldn't do this today.

“ Listen, I've been stuck in that fucking infirmary for the last 4 weeks, and now I can barely fucking move around with these stupid crutches. I have to wear this stupid ass skirt because I obviously can’t put pants on. How about you guys try to get thrown in the air by a Titan after seeing your whole squad die being unable to do anything! I was hoping I could come down here with you guys as a distraction but clearly I was mistaken. You know what? I can't do this today, I'm going outside.” I was crying now, all eyes on me as I yelled at Eren and Jean, the frustration had finally gotten to me.

I got up and walked to the same stupid doors pushing them open with my back this time to avoid falling. 

* * *

I was finally out of the stupid cast and the crutches but my ribs and my knee still felt quite sore. I had gone outside to look for the punching bags to get out all that pent up anger I had been holding inside. The sun was going down now barely noticed as dark clouds surrounded the sky.

I started to punch the bag and kick it with my good leg. The breeze brushed against my cheek feeling cold as I started to work up a sweat. I accidentally got lost in the moment and reached for the bag with my bad leg causing me to knee it right where it would hurt I yelled as I fell on my ass causing a slight pain on my almost healed injuries.

“Are you fuckng serious right now ?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” I was just yelling out random cuss words at this point. I layed down on my back not even bothering to get up. 

“Really? This is what youve come out here to do?” I heard Levi's voice, but I still stayed layed down with my eyes closed. I was surprised to see Levi, it has been almost over a month since I've even spoken to him“Suck my dick Levi, why do you always find me when I seem to be struggling the most. This is so embarrassing. “ I covered my face with my hands to hide the blush rising on my face. 

“Maybe you just want me to find you like this so I can help you,” he laughed sitting next to me making me open my eyes and look up to him. He was wearing a simple grey shirt and some pants, his undercut perfectly framing his face that was glowing slightly from the last bit of sun that was left. “In your dreams Levi'' -- “No Y/n actually I think it's in _your_ dreams," he chuckled, it was faint, but I still heard it. 

I then did one of the most spontaneous things I could possibly ever do, “And what if it is in my dreams. What would happen then,” I looked up at Levi who was now staring straight at me trying to hold back an expression of shock that almost over ran his entire face. 

“Sorry I shouldn't have said that, it slipped out,” as I layed there I started to feel rain coming down, it sprinkled for a couple of seconds before it started to fall down harder, still laying on the ground letting the rain come down to my skin Levi reached out his hand out to me, “C'mon idiot, let's go back to my office,” I took his hand pulling me forwards so I was on my feet again. We walked inside not bothering to run since we were already wet. 

Once we made it inside Levis office he opened up the door that led to his cozy little living room and started up the fireplace, he went into a room to my left and took a couple of minutes before returning. He came out rubbing his hair with a towel only wearing a pair of shorts, handing me a towel of my own with a big shirt and some boxers pointing in front of me to a door next to the fireplace which I guessed was the bathroom. We hadn't spoken to each other since we were outside, it wasn't awkward, I was quite comfortable and the silence was calming as the fire crackled right in front of me. I was looking at Levi, he was so unbelievably gorgeous, I had never seen him like this until recently, like yea he was hot, but now this had a totally different feeling to it. His body was sculpted perfectly, I couldn't help but stare as the fireplace perfectly highlighted his abs. ‘Wow this man was carved by the gods’ and the way his hair was still slightly wet and drooping over his eyes. I had been staring getting lost in my thoughts until he snapped me out of it.

“You're starting to drool idiot,” he said as I took the clothes away from his hands, looking away, starting to blush as I went inside the bathroom to get changed. My face was incredibly red, and he definitely had noticed me checking him out. I felt sick to my stomach, ‘what the hell is going on with me’ what is this feeling why am I so nervous it's just Levi and he was just being nice, there's literally no reason for me to make a big deal out of this right?


	9. Show me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's smut in this chapter, so If you dont wanna see that dont read this chapter. Its 1am and I'm still not done writing, Once I am finished I don't plan on reading over this chapter until I wake up later today. So I apologize in advance if there are spelling or grammar errors :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: Smutt
> 
> If anyone is reading I wanted to explain something first. I wanted Y/N's character to be complex. Her back story was meant to be hard to comeback from as well as something that she felt would be hard to comeback from. I wanted her back story to go in depth to explain her actions during certain situations. After being sexually assaulted more than once It can be hard to build a good relationship as well as rebuild your self esteem. It takes time to heal and to accept that you no longer will be the same person as you once were. As Y/N struggled with her self esteem and emotions I wanted her to be able to overcome these issues and allow herself to be freed from the chains of her past. As someone who has experienced some similarities, I understand the fear that can come once you try to open yourself back up again. I felt it was important to acknowledge growth. I wanted Y/Ns character to become aware of her emotions and take control of her body once again, and let herself learn what love and sex can be like without fear or abuse.

I was stressing out for some reason, I had been in here for about 10 minutes, was he waiting for me out there? My felt warm cheeks as I prepared myself to leave the bathroom practically bra-less to avoid the shirt becoming wet, his boxers hung loosely on my waist as i wore them as shorts. I patted down my frizzy wet hair with my fingers as best as I could pushing the strands on my right behind my ear before opening the door. Levi's eyes showing a slight sparkle as he stared up at me, he really was something else, he's unlike anything I’ve ever seen, the way his body is subtly flexed as he relaxes on the couch, as if all of his worries had been washed away with the rain, his hair still slightly wet, messy and parted in its usual manner. I caught myself starring once again 

“Thanks for the clothes, Levi, I feel much better now that I'm not dripping water all over your floor,” the Captain nodded as I began walking over to him and sat on the empty spot on the couch putting one of my knees up facing him as he gave me a cup of tea he made for me while I was in the bathroom. The feeling in the air was nice, it was warm and relaxing with a hint of ambiguousness in the air. I let out a sigh as I relaxed on the couch leaning my head back towards the couch turning my head towards Levi who was already looking at me. We stared into each other's eyes, the feeling sending chills down my back, my face had a small smile as I felt the heat from my stomach rise all the way up until it reached my head.

Levi's eyes shifted down to my arm examining the scars my father and mother had left. Not many people have seen them, I'm not really one to wear t-shirts, not because Im scared of showing my scars but because I always felt more comfortable in long sleeves; However, I didn't like my scars, I thought they were unattractive and a permanent reminder of what had happened to me, “Stop looking at them Levi, they are disgusting,” I covered them with my hand, and just as I did his hand come over mind pulling it down is he put his hands over the scars before starting to slowly trace them. “Did you know that I lived half of my life Underground? My life was shit, I almost died on many occasions and a lot of the times I had no food. It was hell down there and the memories make it impossible to forget that whole place for good. My mother worked as a prostitute to make a living; to make sure I had enough to survive. One of her clients impregnated her, and now I’m here. She got really sick at one point when I was still young from some unknown disease. I loved her, and she was the first person who I had ever lost, & it pained me that I wasn’t able to just sit there & unable to do anything for her as she lost herself more & more everyday slowly sinking onto her bed,” there was a pause before he continued, “ I understand how your past can be daunting, you should stop taking it at all out on yourself, you deserve to move on from those memories, to stop holding yourself down.” 

His body was a lot closer to mine now, he smelled like rain and black tea, his hand moved up from my arm causing me to flinch, he looked into my eyes which calmed me down as he touched and caressed my cheek causing me to shiver, his hands were rough from all the years of fighting, but they were gentle, I lifted my hand and held it above the one on my cheek turning my head lightly to lean against his hand. We both have gone through alot of shit in this life, our eyes mirror into each other's souls as we understand the pain hidden inside of our chests. Two lost souls in a world full of pain, we were both just trying to survive. We are here for a reason, the two of us at this moment. “Thank you Levi,” the room was quiet as we remained in the same positions staring at each other, our eyes overwhelmingly looking deep into our hearts. “Y/N, I-” 

_She has no clue what she does to me_

Before he could finish I came towards him and placed a softly on his lips, my body acted on its on, “Im sorry Levi, I've never don’t that before, I don't know what going on with me, but everytime I see you me stomach twists up in a bunch of knots and my heart starts to flutter and I'm sorry I just kissed you out of nowhe-'' he pressed his lips against mine. I reached up, pressing one of my hands around his cheek and the other on his chest. Our hands slowly moved around roaming through our bodies, his coming closer to mine as he laid me down on my back as his hands were on my waist. Once I was fully laid down and his body laid on top of mine I freaked out stopping the kiss and placing my hands on his chest pulling him away, “Levi, I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean to push you way.I just freak out when there's people on top of me, I’ve never really let anyone touch my body like this and I'm used to being on to--,” 

“I know this is hard for you Y/N. Don't feel the need to apologize or feel pressured to do anything. We can always stop if you want, and I could move from on top of yo-” --- “No it’s okay, don't move, I just- I don’t want to let my past get in the way of what I want to do, but it’s hard, it still scares me and I’m just trying to feel in control with my body again.”

‘Come with me,’ Levi held out his hands as he got up from you leading you into his room. He closed the door behind him when you were both inside. His bed had white sheets and his room was dim with a lavender scented candle on his coffee table making the air refreshing as the room was slightly illuminated from the moon light that shone in through his window. 

As you look around with you back to him he places his hands behind you wrapping around your waist down to your thighs making you let out a sigh. He turned you around and kissed you deeply and passionately making sure you weren't showing any signs of discomfort. You started to move your legs backwards towards the bed until you felt in behind your knees, his hands rising up from the back of your thighs to your lower back. The kiss was yet to be broken, you slightly opened your mouth allowing his tongue to move inside and explore what he had been longing to taste. You leaned backwards letting him lay you down on the bed. ‘Are you sure this is okay Y/N?’ Levi looked into your eyes which revealed a glint of lust -- “Yes”

He continued to kiss me only more passionately than before. As time went on the kiss went faster making us both breathe out heavy breathes through our nose and occasionally through our mouths as we opened them before colliding into each other again. Both of our tongues danced around each other before pulling away. He kissing down my neck, a small moan at the feeling of him slowly sucking and nibbling. Reaching my hands up around his neck and dug my hands into his undercut tugging at it ever so slightly making him let our a harsh breath against my skin making me press his body towards his. Hands roamed down my body, his eyes never leaving mine made eye. He reached down to my waist grabbing the bottom hem of my shirt and looking up to make sure I gave the okay for him to pull it off which I did.

When my shirt was off he leaned down onto me again using one arm to support himself as the other hand traced up my stomach making my breathing ragged before his hand cupped around one of my breast leaning into a kiss. His hands were gentle slowly tracing around the perked up bud before using his pointer finger to slightly apply pleasure and move in a soft circle. I let out another moan. The sensation was nothing I had ever felt before, this was all new to me. He was being gentle, making sure I was okay with everything he was doing all while being passionate at the same time.

His hand moved back down my stomach breaking the kiss as he moved down my neck then onto my chest taking my breast into his mouth as he gently sucked and twirled his tongue around my nipple. His movements around my nipples were sending currents of pleasure all through my body down into my core making me slightly shake, ‘Levi,’ I said softly as his hands wandered through the outside of his boxers that he had lent me to wear. Both of his hands grabbed the waist of my pants as I lifted my hips so he would take them off 

I layed almost fully naked, the only thing left on my body was my underwear which had become so wet it was visible. His hands brushed against my underwear slowly moving near my clit but not quite on it, he was teasing me. I opened my eyes and looked at him begging with my eyes. He removed his hand and came down to kiss me, his hand on my waist as it moved down to play with the upper hem of my underwear. I just wanted to feel his touch on me, the warmth of his fingers on me. 

He slipped my underwear to the side as he continued to kiss me, his warm body pressed against mine, the smell of his candle lingering in the air mixing in with the smell our sweat and heat that was being released from our bodies. I looked up to him again and his eyes glowed with desire, “Levi please,” He looked almost shocked at how forward you had been. He places one kiss on your forehead collecting some of your sweat on his lips before kissing all the way down your body until he is off the bed and kneeling down on the ground gripping your thighs. He places his face between your thighs, you could feel his hot breath against you making you twitch. He left kisses up your thighs before taking the top of you underwear and slipping it down your your feet before throwing them to the floor

You wanted to feel his tongue on your slit, your hips begging for it as they pushed towards him so he would finally take you. Suddenly you felt his tongue go up pressed firmly into you causing you to let out a moan, he let out a grunt into you breathing heavily as you said his name in such a manner that rung vibration through his ears only fueling his hunger for you. He licked around your clit increasing the pace and he felt your body trying to shift under his grip. He licked you up and down before pushing his tongue in and out of you. One of his hands wrapped under your thigh and around your waist meaning your leg was on your shoulder and his other hands started to rub circles around your clit. 

You started feeling knotts around your stomach and a pressure starting to built up before he stopped and came back up to you planting a lips on your lips, “Not yet,” was all he said as he sucked on your neck once more making you legs close and press inwards slightly putting pressure on the sides of his legs. He brought one of his hands to your knee bringing it back down on the bed, “Now be a good girl for me and keep your legs open for me,” you did as he instructed struggling to keep your legs open as your body sung in pleasure. 

He graces his teeth against your collarbone, you smelled sweet under his nose as he went back down taking one breast into his hand as he massaged one of your buds and took the other one into his mouth causing you to arch your back into him and let our ragged breaths feeling the mess between your legs start to drip down onto the once cold white sheets. The hand that was once on your chest came down onto you as he played with your clit before inserting to fingers making you gasp loudly throwing your head back in pleasure, “Fuck Levi,” you were now a mumbling mess as his fingers thrusted in and out of you the tips curling lightly against the top of your walls making you tighten. “Say my name,” he breathed out as he looked down at your flustered figure struggling to keep its composure. He stopped waiting for you to do as he asked,

“Levi. Levi please don't stop,” he quickly thrusted his fingers into you curling the tips as he moved in and out of you hearing how wet you were in between your loud moans, the sweat dripping down his forehead as he was starting to put more of his body into each thrust. He felt your walls tightening as you threw your head back in pleasure, “Please let me cum Levi, I'm so close,” you whimpered feeling him pick up the pace as the knot in your stomach untied itself slowly, as he felt you tighten more he brought his mouth down to your clit simultaneously licking circles with his occasional ‘mmm’ against you making you shiver as is fingers thrusted in and out of you. You had never felt anything like what he had been doing to you before, it was an out of body experience your memory was foggy and tears were running down your cheeks as he continued to pleasure you. Feeling the slight smirk across his face as you let yourself go and become a shaking mess” You look so pretty begging for me” an unfamiliar feeling making you whimper into his sheets as you feel a warm liquid drip down your thighs and into his mouth as he continues to lick the already overstimulated bud.

“Shit I’m sorry Levi that's never happened before, I didn't know--” he came back up and kissed you as he dragged the palm of his hand up your slit slapping your clit with his hand sending another sensation up into your chest and out your mouth. He took his fingers and placed them into your mouth as you sucked on them, tasting yourself and swirling your tongue around them. “It's okay Y/N don’t worry about it, it's normal,” he removed his fingers from your mouth as you pulled him into another deep and passionate kiss moving your tongue into his mouth wanting to taste yourself and the pleasure he had just brought to you.

You grabbed his hair and tugged on it once again pulling him closer to your body, feeling him rub up against you making him grunt into your mouth. You smoothly wrapped your legs over him allowing you to flip him onto his back without breaking the kiss. You looked up at you surprised, “I think it's my turn now, _Captain_.” 

I started kissing him again holding his neck and cheek as he gripped tightly on your waist making you grind against him over his shorts with your bare body causing splotches of my wetness to become visible on his fabric. I licked his collarbone tasting slightly salty from the sweat we had both worked up. I heard him let out a moan as I moved against him, making me come up to his ear and moaning the same way he had just moaned, mimicking him. He slowly grabbed my throat and pulled his mouth next to my ear, “Dont test my patience Y/N,” -- “I'll consider it.” I moved back up my hands against his chest and I pushed myself off him and to the side taking off his shorts and underwear simultaneously making him slap against his own stomach as the restriction that his pants hand on him was removed. 

Leaving both of us naked now and me still at his side I grabbed his length sloppily spitting on it as I began moving my hand up and down not breaking eye contact with him. He grabbed my neck making me moan as he pushed me towards him, “Put it in that pretty mouth of yours princess,” he said letting go of me and putting his hand around the back of my hair tugging lightly as I went back down to him. I grabbed him again kissing the tip as I licked him up from the bottom to the top before wrapping my mouth around him whole and going down on him letting out my own moans along with his as I started to speed up using one hand to hold the bottom and wrapping the other half with my mouth as I moved both in opposite directions. 

Once enough saliva had gathered up in my mouth I opened by mouth letting out a pop noise as the saliva I had been collecting drip down his light before letting it fall against his toned stomach once more. I put my legs around him straddling his hips as I sat on his dick moving myself back and forth across him. You could hear the sound of my wetness and saliva as I glided myself on him causing my clit to rub against his tip every time I reached the top. He grabbed my hips tightly, helping me move back and forth, his fingers digging into my hips causing pleasurable pain to form. We were both moaning throwing our heads back as the once lavender scented room smelt of cum and sweat, pleasure pushing its way into my hips and out my mouth causing me to moan loudly as I rode my orgasm out on the shaft of his dick before he slapped my ass leaving a stinging sensation which made me bite my lip to hold in the moan, he slapped it again even harder this time making sure I let out the moan I tried to hold in. 

“Lay down on your stomach,” Levi instructed me as he moved my body 90 degrees so now instead of our legs hanging off the bed my face was down against on of his pillow, I layed on my stomach propped up on my elbows as he got off my bed and came back from grabbing the t shirt I once had on, “Tell me if you want me to stop,” he said planting a kiss on my cheek before biting down on my shoulder. He grabbed my wrist and tied them together above my head. Instead of feeling nervous or fearful because of my old memories I felt a sense of relief, I knew I was safe with Levi. I was slowly allowing my body to become mine once again, my past pain drifting away as his lips would ress against mine, as his hands gently caressed my stomach. He had shown me what true passion could be like. What it was like to be cared for and comforted. 

After he kissed down my back he placed himself behind me grabbing my hips and pulling me up so my ass was in the air, he bent his body over mine shoving his fingers around my face and into mouth, “Spit” he commanded. After I did he wrapped his arm over my hip then under my stomach until his fingers were on my clit rubbing in circles once again. I was already swollen and sensitive from before; his touch sending me over the edge overstimulating me as I shut my eyes from the intense pleasure, “Levi,” I managed to audibly get out, everything else was grunts and moans and words I couldn't remember to speak. 

He spit above my ass letting it slide all the way down into me before positioning himself in front of me, “Do you want this Y/N?” he said as he held onto my hips desperately waiting for an answer. “Yes-” was all I managed to get out before he slid himself into me letting out a low growl as my walls tightened upon him entering before accommodating to his length. He started to give deep long strokes, back and forth pushing himself fully out and then back in. He wasn't even giving me his dick, he was teasing me until I broke and asked for it myself.

_Fuck, she felt so good. She looked so good bent over for me in that position like that. Putting her trust into me as she allowed me to take more of her body. I was being gentle, slightly holding back, I didn't want to overwhelm her and cause her to break. I wanted her to adjust, I wanted her to feel good. And if she wanted it, I wanted her to beg for it._

Ugh, I was so tired of waiting around for him, I finally broke. “Please Levi, I want you,” he brought his hand up before smacking it down on my ass making me move forwards as the burning sensation crawled up my back. “Beg for it,” he said sternly, slapping my ass again as I moaned out his name. “Please Captain, I want to feel you inside of me.” -- “Such a good girl for me hmm. So desperate for me to make you feel good.” I couldn’t even respond as the immense amount of pleasure made me see stars. 

He teased my clit with the tip of his dick before sliding all of it in at once. My eyes closed shut as my mouth hung wide open unable to form any words or sounds as he went deep in me with long passionate strokes constantly hitting my limit, I could feel him pressed up against my stomach as he started to pick up his speed grabbing my neck bringing my back up against his chest as I felt him growl into my ear and bit down on my shoulder gently sucking and licking my neck. 

He went faster, moving at a constant rate. I could feel myself tightening around him as my senses went numb. I was yelling his name and he was grunting and heaving as he pushed inside of me going deeper with each stroke. “Fuck Y/N, you feel so good.” That only made me tighten more. I loved the way he said my name. 

“Levi stop,” you said, turning around, so ur back was on the pillows and ur body was fully facing his. “Are you okay Y/N??” he asked, looking slightly concerned. “Yea I just wanted to turn around to look at you,” you smiled looking up at him. “Alright, give me your hands,” I did as he said and let him untie you wrists leaving my hands free to roam around his body as he positioned himself and put himself back inside of you

Now you were both looking at each other as you devoured each other in pleasure you reached up and held his face and brought him down to you and he put one hand next to you head to hold himself up and the other around your throat, holding you close and you both moaned into each other's mouth. Saliva covered your cheeks and your mouths as you both hung your mouths open staring at each other while you were getting closer to your climaxes. He shoved his fingers down your throat making you gag as you moaned at the same time, he removed them and put them around you clit rubbing it in circles as you began to shake vigorously around him, he kissed you as he held you down keeping up the same pace as before, constantly hitting your g spot. He was amazing, he knew exactly what to do and someone managed to know exactly how you were feeling. You felt chills come from your body as his warm dick shoved in and out of you allowing you to come all over him as it started dripping down your thighs. 

I sat up and began giving him head, tasting myself on him as he grabbed my hair and guided by head up and down him. My eyes were tearing him as I began to look up at him and started to gag on him not breaking eye contact. “You look so pretty with those tears running down your face princess,” he grabbed your cheek slowly wiping that tear of you face and he grabbed the back of your head and started throat fucking you throwing his head back , “Swallow it,” he grunted as his hot cum ran down your throat and down your chin. You swallowed the bitter tasting liquid opening your mouth to show him you listened and then swiped your chin with your finger taking the rest of his cum into your mouth, “Good girl,” he said as he came down and gave me a passionate kiss. 

You both laid down panting kissing each other as your head laid on his chest. It was good, but it wasn't just that. He allowed you to free yourself from the rope holding you above the water, he allowed you to feel in control of your body again. He was passionate, he held you, he kissed you, he allowed you to understand what it was like to be appreciated for more than just your body. You've had sex before, but you didn't know what sex was until these past hours you had spent with him. You learned things about your body, you found new desires rising into the surface. Laying on his chest all your worries started to melt away, you were slowly drifting to sleep before Levi rubbed your lower back and pushed your hair out of your face. Calling your name softy. 

“Y/N, come on, let's take a shower before you fall asleep, I don't want you to feel dirty,” you looked up into his eyes, you felt so happy as you felt that feeling in your stomach again finally understanding what they meant. ‘Butterflies,'' I began to think to myself swilling widely and leaning into a kiss as he picked me up and carried me into the bathroom. He turned on the shower the mirror starting to fog up, he opened the door and let us both in. I let out a sigh as I felt the hot water run down my body, I almost dozed off until I felt Levi's body pull me out of the water, “Stop hogging the water Idiot, I'm here too ya know,” -- ‘Did I know ? Thats a good question, I'm not sure about that Captain, maybe I just wanted to leave you freezing in the corner,” I laughed, “Very funny, we can both be under the water come here,” He grabbed my waist pulling my body onto his so we were both now under the shower head. I was facing him as he looked down on me placing a kiss on my forehead before turning me around. He grabbed a bottle of shampoo; as he massaged it into my head I let my head fall back into his chest as I looked up and smiled at him slightly struggling to open my eyes because of the water. 

After the shower he gave me one of his shirts and as I got dressed I heard him clicking around in the kitchen, I came out with a t shirt over my body coming to stand next to him as I saw him making some tea, he looked around to me with a small smirk on his face, “You know you’re beautiful right? Despite being a brat”---”Shut up, you don't look so bad yourself,” I walked around headed towards the sofa as he smacked my ass, he let out a sadistic stare as I looked back at him with a shocked look on your face, “You better watch it Ackerman, you'll never know when you're tea will get magically stolen during the night.” ---- “Yea yea very funny, here take this,” he handed you the cup and you both sat on the couch as you leaned on your chest both of you sipping my tea as you looked at what was left of the fire lit a couple hours ago. 

Once we were done we laid on his bed, my face cuddled against the crock of his neck which was a perfect fit, we laid there in silence slowly drifting to sleep, his hand was wrapped around my waist as my knee rested on top of his. “Thank you Levi.” He pulled you in a little tighter after hearing your words before slowly drifting to sleep. 


	10. Limit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its going to get a little bit more spicy in the next chapters with y/n and levi. Im also so close to the climax, im excited

The warmth crawled through my skin as I stretched my body, wincing as the light from Levis window shined brightly penetrating into my eyes. I looked over realizing Levi no longer layed next to me. Wishing I didn't sleep in as I rolled over towards the edge of the bed struggling slightly to get up after last night's event and began walking around Levis quarters in hopes of finding him. To my surprise he wasn't there at all, not in the bathroom, or his office. Was I disappointed ? Of Course I would have liked to see him, but maybe he just got busy with duties; at least that's what I was telling myself pushing down the irritable feeling rising up to invade my chest. 

I went towards his bathroom and put on my uniform, sneaking out of his room after I quickly glimpsed over the hallway making sure my coast was clear to head over to my room and get ready for the day. 

* * *

It's been a week since that night with Levi. Low and behold he hasn't even given me a glance or even a full sentence; acting like I don't even fucking exists. So much for him being “mature” yea right, he’s acting like a child. He’s been avoiding me and nothing infuriated me more. How could he act like he cared, proceed to fuck me into the night and then just like that. Nothing. I let myself become vulnerable with him, I let him, I shouldn't have. 

Running into Sasha on my way out of my room, her smile spread from ear to ear, her arms opening in a rush to give me a quick hug before getting a hold of my wrist as she dragged me into the dinning hall. She talked with a gloomy tone saying she wished it was still raining because she loved the smell as we grabbed our food. Before we sat my vision darted straight to Levi who looked slightly happy as Erwin scolded Hange for being too loud, I had not realized I had froze in my steps for a couple of seconds as I stared at Levi until Jean loudly called out my name snapping me out of a haze, also causing Levi to look over my way making eye contact before I shook my head to regain focus as sat down on the table. I’ve been out of it all week, and it was starting to become noticeable. 

The whole time we were at breakfast I looked towards stealing quick looks at Levi as I lazily indulged conversation so I wouldn't be caught distracted. He didn't look at me once, maybe he didn't notice? No, he definitely noticed me looking at him here and there. I know the Ackermans have good instincts, it’s a full blown fact in my book. But why was he ignoring me? Maybe he was regretting what happened last week. Whatever it was seriously bothered me. Why was he being so cold, first he wasn't in his room this morning leaving me to wake me alone in his room after everything that had happened the prior night and his snarky remarks looped around my mind everyday at training, strangling my heart. You’d think that maybe after that night hed stop being so rude, that maybe magically both of our attitudes towards eachother had changed, but his didn’t, so i didn’t make an effort to mix mine either. And now he's ignoring me ? Maybe he didn't even care, maybe he just acted like he did to get in my pants.

I clenched my wrists above the table, once again getting so lost in the frustration of my thoughts I completely ignored Eren when he was calling out my name. 

“Y/N? Helloooo? You there?” I quickly snapped my head upwards to meet his eyes. Everyone else at the table is looking at me. “Yea sorry, I got distracted, what were you saying?” 

“What we were all saying,” Connie spoke, “Is that you’ve seemed very out of it this whole week, did something happen?”

“No nothing happened. Why would you think there was something wrong?” They all looked down at my clenched fist simultaneously causing me to release the grip I had on myself. I really needed to stop worrying about Levi. He needs to get out of my head. “Oh, yea. Nothing crazy, you know- just on those days,” I lied through my teeth hoping to put an end to the conversation. 

“I thought you already got it last week?” Sasha spoke, causing me to quickly snap my gaze up at her in a warning matter, she got the hint. “Oh wait nevermind that was me,” she added sheepishly as she laughed rubbing the back of her head with her elbow. 

“Gross I didn't need to know that,” Eren said. 

“Eren,you really aren’t one to talk. I'm surprised you aren't bleeding out of your vagina since you like to act hormonal at least twice a week,” I shot him a look as a warning not to continue his irritating comments earning laughs from my friends. “It’s okay Eren, your secret’s safe with us,” Jean said before getting a smack to the back of his head by Mikasa which knocked him down at least 3 peggs. 

-

In the afternoon they found out they were now part of the special ops squad with Levi and I. They seemed somewhat excited because now they would work alongside each other instead of being split up amongst other groups. The slight excitement dialed down as Levi told us to shut up and to line up, “Great, mood ruined once again. You seem to know how to do that a lot these days Captain.” I let out a sigh and stood up straight looking up at the sun with my hands on my hips. “Y/N I suggest you shut up with the shit attitude, I'm tired of it. You guys are going to be sparring today. But you will be going in against me,” the small smiles on their face quickly wiped away by his words, go against Levi? No way they would win. “And since Y/N is clearly excited by getting straight to training she can go first.” 

_I seriously couldn't be feeling more irritated with Levi right now. All of this pent up frustration is really itching for a release._

“Fine, so be it,” You walked away from your friends right in front of Levi. “I’ll enjoy being able to knock down that attitude of yours because you clearly can't be disciplined through words or extra chores,” Levi was clearly becoming irritated with you. 

“You're about as arrogant as they come Levi.” and with that you went towards him boosting off your right leg and reaching towards his face with your left hand, right when he went to stop it you went in with your right hand which allowed you to land a small blow against his chest. 

“I believe you dont have the correct definition of arrogant in that dumb little head of yours Y/N,” right after you punched him you were too riled up to notice his leg coming towards your calf causing you to stumble forwards; Despereratly trying to keep yourself from falling you held onto his stomach causing you both to fall down. Before you could let go to regain your stance with balance his elbow came down onto your back harshly which led to you letting go of your hold of him, wincing, but allowing him to get up and stand above the body which was trying to get up from the ground. He kicked your stomach from the side causing you to let out a scream, “Fuck you Levi,” you punched him, right on his dick, because fuck it right? 

Since he cared so much to leave you after you guys fucked it wouldn't hurt to get a hit on him where you know it would hurt. Maybe then he would fucking get the damn hint. 

“To be arrogant is to be conceited. To think you have some sort of superiority over someone because you came to the conclusion that you are stronger than everyone else. You are the definition of arrogant.” Levi reached his hand down for your head as you laid face down trying to get up and pulled you by the hair so your head was slightly away, uncomfortably angled against your neck. He let go which caused your nose to come down hard into the ground, not broken; however, bleeding. Your vision stung as dirt got into your eyes, staining them with his words and actions. He stepped backwards away turning his body, clearly claiming that you had lost.

I couldn't just let him go like that, he had seriously riled me up. I stood up and charged towards him without any thoughts, the only thing I felt was the jar of my pent up irritation break. I swung my leg right before his cough causing him to stumble forward and turn back around towards me. Right as I went to punch him he dodged and grabbed me by the throat and slammed me against the ground. I let out a loud gasp continued by a series of choked coughs in pain as my body went numb ringing with vibrations of pain. 

Out of pure anger you spit up towards his face, landing it right on his mouth and cheek, “I haven't felt the kind of hate you make me feel in years! I haven't hated anyone like this in years. I hate _you.”_ His hand came down and striked me across my face busting my lips as his sharp fingers grazed past my lips. I couldn't help but yell out in pure frustration moving my whole body as he straddles me between his thighs. 

“Arrogant: an exaggerated sense of one's abilities. I'm not arrogant, because I _know_ I'm stronger than you, I'm stronger than all of you and I can prove it. You on the other hand are the definition of arrogant, you talk and walk around like you are so strong. Look at you, you're weak, you talked your abilities up too much only to be knocked down from your invisible throne, you were clearly overconfident in yourself.” He finished, his last words hitting you harder than any blow he had stricken you with, they dug deep making your stomach twist and turn as you laid there in defeat. 

“You are all to learn a lesson from Y/N, don’t be overconfident, don’t think you’re stronger than anyone else, don’t be arrogant, dismissed,” he looked at your friends who had looks of pity washed over their expressions. Looking towards you now, “You on the other hand, are in my office tonight, I don't care about what kind of shit pride you are trying to uphold, but if you defy me and decide to not show up, you're out of the scouts.” your stomach twisting and turning as you laid there in defeat. You pushed him off you with all of the power that you could manage to gain and started walking back towards the castle. Resent, guilt, anger, irritation: running through your blood, no words being able to describe how you were feeling. 

Most important, hurt. He hurt you, right after you had let him in, right after you began to think he could be different around you. Disappointment running through your body, you really had started to think he'd actually cared, you started to find comfort in his words, his arms, his actions. The way his hands had wrapped around you, calling your name out like he had found some goddess he had been searching for his whole life. His arms can still be felt around your waist, his shirt can be felt clinging to the curves of your body. The once sweet memory of the words that rolled out of his tongue became stained. Comfort. Too good to be true. A myth to your body and mind: out of reach.

_I knew the moment I had called her weak I had made the biggest mistake. I didn't want to push her to that limit, to say the harsh words right to her face, especially after the way she let herself be vulnerable around me. I knew that word shouldn't have come out of my mouth. I didn't want to push her away, to avoid her at all costs. Any cost. I couldn't let myself become attached to someone, not again, I can't keep losing people. ‘I can't lose her if she's not mine’ I tried telling myself over and over again. Trying to find my own comfort in the actions that only ripped it away from me.I don't deserve her comfort. My stomach is twisting in knots, my own words consuming me inside out, I knew I had to push her away, to avoid her gaze. For I knew the moment I caught myself looking into her eyes I wouldn't be able to look away, if she so much as told me she wanted me I would've let her have me. So selfish of me, saying I'm doing this for her, when really I'm just tormenting myself because I don't deserve her. Bringing her pain because of my own insecurities. Weak. Pathetic._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone's reading this, sorry for the kinda late update. I have been extremely distracted, and I've wanted to keep writing but I just kept myself from it. This chapter isnt as long as I would have wanted it to be but its about to be 5am and backs seriously hurting from being hunched over haha. 
> 
> I would appreciate any comments just so I can know what you guys think since it keeps me motivated to know how many people are actually reading/enjoying. If you guys share this with others, thank you..  
> xxxx


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